Before trying to solve a problem, actually try

When something matters and you've been stuck for a while, the failure mode is rarely "I tried hard and it didn't work." It's that you've stopped actually trying. What you call "trying to solve the problem" is actually you LARPing as though you are trying to solve the problem. For the weight loss example, your brain finds strategies that it associates with "weight loss", dieting and exercise, and runs those on repeat. When that doesn't work, you are gobsmacked yet again. Maybe you just can't lose weight.

In order to help you solve your problems, and come up with new and obvious stratgies that you haven't tried, you have to be honest with yourself about whether you're actually trying. Here are some frames to help you check:

We act from habit; we act from impulse or convenience when primed by the activities in front of us; we remember our goal and choose an action that feels associated with our goal. We do any number of things. But we do not systematically choose the narrow sets of actions that would effectively optimize for our claimed goals, or for any other goals. https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/PBRWb2Em5SNeWYwwB/humans-are-not-automatically-strategic

1. The cache check

What strategy am I about to use? Did I derive this myself, or was this cached? Did I question the efficacy of this strategy for my current self, with my current body, network, income, knowledge, access.

2. The fresh-eyes check

If I had no history with this problem and a stranger described it to me today, what would I tell them to do first? Am I doing that? If not, what's my reason, and is the reason a real constraint, or just something I ruled out years ago and never re-examined?

3. The gun to your head

Imagine if David Goggins were to put a gun to your head, and if you are unable to solve your problem, he would pull the trigger. Do you think you would be able to solve your current problem? Would you be able to find a way? If so, then you are not currently trying.

4. The hired-expert frame

If I hired the best person in the world to solve this for me, what's the first thing they'd ask? What's the first action they'd take in week one? What would they refuse to tolerate that I've been tolerating because it's familiar?

5. Five minutes

Actually set a timer and think for yourself, without any external inputs, about all the different things you can do to solve this problem. Continue so you can break free of all the obvious solutions.

6. The pre-mortem

Fast-forward ninety days. The attempt failed. Why? Write down the three most likely reasons. Now: am I doing anything today to prevent those three things, or am I just hoping they won't happen?

After running this

If the honest answer is "I am not actually trying," that is the result. Now decide one of two things:

Start trying. Pick the first concrete action from the bet / expert / discomfort answers and do it today, not "soon."
Drop it. Admit this isn't actually a priority right now, take it off the list, and stop paying the low-grade guilt tax of pretending it is.

Both are fine. The thing that is not fine is the third option, which is the one most people pick by default: continue to behave as though you are trying, while not trying, while remaining sad about the problem. That's the worst of all worlds. It costs the emotional load of caring and pays back none of the upside of either solving it or letting it go.

When to re-read this

Before opening a project that's been stuck for >30 days.
When you catch yourself saying "I've tried that" or "that doesn't work for me."
When a problem makes you feel resigned instead of curious.
When a friend describes a stuck problem and you want to help them think about it.
Annually for the big ones: weight, sleep, career, relationships, money, health.

Actually Trying Primer